Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
