he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
