i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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