For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
