She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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