Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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