Having a random hookup so left but love u
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
