i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
