Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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