I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
