Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
