She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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