If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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