guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
