the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
