if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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