you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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