i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
