I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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