he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
