It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
