tell your sister to shave her snatch
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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