She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Come on in and take your pants off
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