IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
