their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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