i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it was like having sex with a tree stump
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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