I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
This toilet bowl is my home.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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