Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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