mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
