Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
