Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
