we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
