So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
