i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
