He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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