Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
