I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
