I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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