WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
