So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
