are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just puked most of my soul out..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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