He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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