I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
