I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
