take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
