I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
