God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
