No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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