R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
