Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
