I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
