it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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