Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
