don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
handjob tips. give me some.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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