with your own penis?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
